I am grout.
Awhile back when I was chatting with my friend Jeff, he described his wife as being grout. “You know,” he said, “she fills in all the bare spaces in the family.” I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by that, but filed it away in the back of my mind, taking it out every now and again to think about it.
I now know exactly what it means. Because I am grout.
Grout, you may recall, is the (usually fairly colorless) cement-type stuff that goes between the tiles. It connects them to one another, and keeps them from popping up off the floor or wall or wherever it is the tiles are, but you don’t really notice it unless it’s not there.
And I realized, in my little home here, this is what I do: I silently fill in the spaces between the important happenings in the family. Because of me, food appears in the pantry, clean clothes show up in bedrooms, cobwebs disappear from corners. Kids get ferried from school to hockey rink to SAT prep class; snacks and dinner magically appear, noone has to think about any of it. It all just happens.
But here’s the thing about grout: you don’t pay attention to it because you’re too busy looking at the fancy tile. The tile that’s a pretty color, or has a cool pattern; it’s the tile that catches your eye, while the grout does the hard – and thankless – work of keeping the tile in place. Noone ever thinks about the grout, or the fact that the tile would just flounder around without it.
So every now and then, this grout likes to take a break, leave the tile for a while to fend for itself. It happens rarely, but when it does, it’s oh so rewarding. For everyone. Because that’s usually all it takes for the tile to realize just how important, and very very nice it is, to have that grout there, keeping it all together.
If only that feeling would last…
There are a lot of words pinging around in that space inside my head -- sometimes they come together and make some kind of sense. When they do, I put them here, to make room for more.
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Friday, October 16, 2009
Mammograms
I just had my annual mammogram -- like a good girl, I have one every year -- and honestly, this one was the most uncomfortable one ever. And by uncomfortable I mean painful. I can't believe no one has come up with a better way to look inside our breasts. It just makes no sense to take what is essentially a round object and to literally work to LIFT IT off your chest, yank it sideways, and then squash it flat. It brought me to tears.
The technician worked me like clay, as if she thought there were no muscles or tissue, never mind nerve endings, in any part of my body. I get that this is a job to her, but honestly, I was standing right there, a fully realized human being. I couldn't even get her to crack a grin, but once she started manhandling -- I mean, manipulating -- my breasts, it was clear she was all business. I stopped trying to talk, gritted my teeth, and just tried to make it go as quickly as possible.
And seriously, I don't understand why she doesn't just have me take that silly top off as soon as I walk in. Instead, we both pretend she isn't going to not only see but touch both of my breasts by the end of my time there. It makes no sense.
This is the 21st century; I challenge someone out there to come up with a kindler, gentler way to do this whole sordid procedure.
The technician worked me like clay, as if she thought there were no muscles or tissue, never mind nerve endings, in any part of my body. I get that this is a job to her, but honestly, I was standing right there, a fully realized human being. I couldn't even get her to crack a grin, but once she started manhandling -- I mean, manipulating -- my breasts, it was clear she was all business. I stopped trying to talk, gritted my teeth, and just tried to make it go as quickly as possible.
And seriously, I don't understand why she doesn't just have me take that silly top off as soon as I walk in. Instead, we both pretend she isn't going to not only see but touch both of my breasts by the end of my time there. It makes no sense.
This is the 21st century; I challenge someone out there to come up with a kindler, gentler way to do this whole sordid procedure.
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