There’s a lot of talk lately about the Zombie Apocalypse, and honestly, from everything I’ve seen, it looks to be, well, apocalyptic. But there’s an upside to everything, so here’s why I’m not afraid:
· There’s plenty of food. At least, no one ever seems worried about where their next meal is coming from. I live near three grocery stores, and I’m ALWAYS thinking about my next meal.
· And yet, no one ever has to cook. When they DO eat, it seems to appear from nowhere, or is being served up cafeteria style by anonymous people. I’m guessing they’re volunteers. Good for them.
· It’s always warm. Downright sweaty, even. Why else would all the women be wearing tank tops?
· No one worries about the price of gas. Of course, it’s a little harder to find a gas station, but that doesn’t seem to be an impediment to driving endless hours.
· Everyone miraculously knows how to shoot a gun. Even if they’ve never owned, or actually even held, one. Really, I can’t wait to be able to blow out a brain at 50 paces – pretty impressive.
· And guns are plentiful. In fact, they seem to just show up in the oddest places. Like the trunks of cars. Although maybe I’m just being naïve, and everyone actually keeps a stash of firearms and ammo except me.
· You never have to shower. Or do laundry for that matter. A huge plus in my book.
· And still, everyone manages to look somewhat attractive. Seriously, when I don’t shower for more than two days in a row, my family starts avoiding me. Maybe it works better when everyone is skanky.
· Plus no one has to do housework. Of course, no one has their own house, either, but that’s beside the point.
· The kids don’t fight with each other. Because they’re fighting zombies. Which is more lethal, but still…
Bring it on, zombies!